Reflections from a Fellow Time Traveler
By Richard Fleming
Aging is unavoidable. No matter our country of residence, personality, attitudes, politics, age, race, current medical status, or whether we embrace healthy lifestyle habits — we grow old. No exceptions. No opting out. No pause buttons. No do-overs.
Despite its universality, aging is one of the most mysterious facets of human existence. While the biology of aging is reasonably well understood, the reality of growing old is difficult to process.
I am a retired physician who practiced internal medicine for more than three decades, but I still have a limited understanding of how to grow old with grace.
Every person’s path into aging is unique. My road is one that I alone am following. But as I look around, I see many fellow time travelers soldiering their way forward on nearby trails. Some are moving along easily, smiling, reveling in what appears before them. Others appear hesitant, moving awkwardly down the path.
We wave to each other, sometimes smile or nod, and often ask our fellow travelers how the journey is unfolding. Our responses vary because we are each finding our own way. Whatever I am discovering on my own journey may not translate well to others.
Despite 72 years experience of living while aging, I still feel tentative about the road ahead. Hoping to gain clarity, I decided to write about my experiences, drawing on both my time practicing medicine and my encounters traveling down this complex path.
I aim to post once or twice a month. The topics will be random. They may resonate with your experience. Or they may not. But I hope to pose questions, stimulate thought, and perhaps expand my understanding of this mysterious, magical journey.
I will open with an article I wrote almost three decades ago when I was much less experienced as a time traveler. My level of confusion has diminished a bit since then, but there is still much ground to cover and more to learn.
If you wish to be notified when new posts appear, please subscribe. It’s free. You will need to click on an acknowledgment link in your email to complete the subscription. Let your friends know about this blog and feel free to share posts on social media. And I welcome comments from my fellow travelers. Perhaps we can help each other illuminate the path ahead.
good beginning!
Thank you!
I think this blog will be popular.
Thank you!
Interesting. Looking forward to your posts.
Thank you!
Interesting idea.
Thank you!
Very insightful
Thank you!
Like this
Thank you!
I am older than you so I traveled further down this path and I have cared for an even old physician until he left this world on his own terms. So I think this will be an interesting discussion!!
You have experiences and insights that are far beyond what I’ve experienced. Thank you.
Thank you for your insightful perspective on aging! I remember when we presented Advance Directive informational meetings at PHC! It’s good to see you on this platform. I look forward to reading more insightful posts from you.
Thank you, Suzanne! I remember those “good old days” as though they were yesterday.
Thank you for bringing aging to the forefront and giving it voice. I just loss my dear Mom 2 weeks ago. She was 95 almost 96. Her passing showed me so much about this journey.
Thank you for your comment, Suzanne. I’m very sorry for your recent loss. Losing one’s parents is always difficult. Even when they lived a long life. The difficulty is not only that we have lost the people who gave us our life. But it also changes our own status in the world. We no longer have our own older generation to look up to. Someone once told me that we don’t truly become adults until we lose both parents.
Yes I have also heard this statement that we don’t truly become adults until we lose both parents. So very true. It’s kind of like losing your safety net. It’s not there anymore. No one to ask those generational questions anymore. My mother taught me so much about this path of aging. I wish we could form a group and meet face to face like the old days. It sounds like there are so many of us that wish to contribute to this valuable topic.
Aging is traveling down a road without a map. Each day is unique . It always has been but now as we age we recognize it more.
Changing expectations is helpful.
Learning how to ask for help challenging.
Carquinez village a senior support group in Benicia and Vallejo has support and some discussion groups
Thank you, Alan. I agree with your perspectives. Aging does make it easier to appreciate the uniqueness of every single day.
Thanks! 😊
Sounds interesting and pertinent as I am 77 and very thoughtful about the issue. I am generally healthy, but have trouble accepting sagging triceps, less energy…..issues of vulnerability…on and on.
Marcia–there just ain’t no anonymity these days. Now I can’t remember exactly where I saw the post about this blog–Nextdoor? Facebook? To me, knowing that there is a likely finite number–86? 87? 78? is kind of weird.
Food for thought, indeed. I am approaching 70 and have some worries about the future, but try to think positive and keep on moving
Thank you!
Politics at Thanksgiving Dinner. Extreme religious fervor by a close friend. Best friend’s spouse’s inappropriate behavior. Fear of getting older. Subjects that are hard to talk about. Mostly easier to just muddle through. Author is tackling one of, if not the, hardest realities of living. Can hardly wait for the next post!
Thank you!
I look forward to reading your blog. The hard part for me is not feeling relevant .,,I retired at age 74 after a lot of work filled years doing interesting and meaningful work. I am about to turn 82.
Thank you, Joana. I think you’ve touched on one of the ways in which aging can feel constricting. We tend to be viewed as irrelevant. But keeping involved and engaged, like you are doing, helps.
I love your image of us traveling in parallel as we age, maybe striding briskly or plodding uncertainly, but all able to benefit from sharing the experience and perspectives of our fellows. Thanks for launching this.
Thank you!
Richard.
Good to hear from you. I retired 4 years ago and am now age 90. I am still busy with Medicine and have published 12 articles since retiring, mostly on how to treat Alzheimer’s but one on how to treat schizophrenia; yesterday I submitted one on how to treat Long Covid. When patients told me of their intention to retire, I always advised that one should never retire but switch from this activity to that activity.
I trust that you have an activity that gives you as much pleasure as practicing medicine!
Kindest regards.
Jeffrey Fessel.
Thank you for your comment, Jeffrey. Your long career and your approach to retirement are inspiring. I hope you have many, many years ahead.
Looking forward to your post. Thank you
Thank you!
Looking forward to this blog. My older sister, also a retired TPMG physician has been dealing with Alzheimer’s. The new normal.
Thank you, Helen. I wish you the best in helping with your sister.
Richard, Great to hear from you. I use the time traveler line a lot. When I flub up on the latest technology, I say, “I am a time traveler from the 1950’s. Be patient.” I had this thought about my aging and declining patients and now about myself. “This is the best I’ll ever be.”
Thank you, Dave. I agree that when it comes to tech, we need to plead for patience from the youngsters who surround us.
Richard
Remember you well from our times helping Partnership HP. Retired at 60 last October. Recently went to a retired physician get together in my old stomping grounds of Santa Rosa-before I left to go to SFO. Seeing colleagues age was a humbling and eye opening experience
Kirk Pappas
Thank you, Kirk.
As a fellow TPMG physician retired 3 years ago, I look forward to learn from your words of wisdom in this blog.
Thank you. I don’t often feel have much wisdom to share, but we’ll see how this journey goes.
Great ideas Richard. Retirement is clearly an inflection point in our path of aging. As far as the physical part, we all know what we have to do remain healthy, but there are things beyond our control that influence our health. Its the mental aspects that can be difficult . We have a variety of needs that fit into different categories.
1. Maintaining a feeling of purpose. It would have been good if at retirement some knowledge person could suggest a list of possibilities such as teaching at Touro, Vaccination clinics, Rotary club, community clinics , etc
2. Hobbies. Some retires feel less need for purpose, but after a long productive career, golf, travel or other form of entertainment seem more appealing
3. Then there is. also chasing grandchildren
Often there is some combination of the 3
Thank you, Dave. I think your point about maintaining a feeling of purpose is so important. And pursuing hobbies, grandchildren, and other activities helps extend meaningful life. But, as you point out, physical restrictions often limit one’s ability to embrace these goals. These ailments of the aging body are often beyond the individual person’s control.
Thanks Richard. I will look forward to your posts.
Thank you’
I am interested in reading various perspectives and experiences on traveling the path. We humans are uniquely mindful of aging and our inevitable demise long before the end is upon us and that can rob us of joy if we allow ourselves to be preoccupied by it. That said, as my wife and I age with chronic illnesses the end point is impossible to put completely out of mind.
Thank you. I agree with your very wise observation that it is important not to be preoccupied with the end of life. One of my concerns in starting this blog was that it would do exactly that. I want it to instead focus on how to live fully and completely with whatever time we have ahead.
Dr. Fleming,
At 83 , not having taken care of myself as I should have, I feel my physical limitations. One thing I still have, it’s a sense of humor and the ability to laugh. Faith in God ,so far has kept me from the fear of dying.
There is a Proverb in scripture:
Proverbs 17:22
A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.
Looking forward to your blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you.
Sign me up, Richard! What a great topic we can all learn from and contribute to!
Thank you, Tom. If you haven’t yet done so, please click the subscribe button, and you’ll be notified of new posts. Hope you’re doing well.
Dear Richard:
I read your very insightful blog with great interest. Like you I was an Internist. Looking back feel I could have done a better job with my over 65 patients, if I had known what I know now. I retired 5 years ago at age 68 with a long bucket list ( I don’t have grandkids). I wanted to understand everything about aging with resiliency and how to be highly functional until I leave the planet. So much so , that I did a two-year fellowship in age- management/integrative medicine in retirement with the intent of starting a longevity practice. However Covid interrupted the plan to start a business, but I continued to study the field as well as many human potential topics. Now at age 74 I’m ambivalent about being consumed by a practice. Another part of me wants to be available for spur of the moment adventure travel and other interests. My own “age-management” program involves daily hiking , a daily meditation practice, yoga, journaling, and cooking organic , lower glycemic meals with enough plant foods ,which are all hard to do fully while working full-time as a physician.
In doing deeper lab testing outside of Kaiser ,I found out I’m not as healthy as I once believed myself to be with the usual screening tests. So keeping oneself optimal after 65 requires some attention to ” body, mind, and spirit”. The longevity field is exploding with so many new nutraceuticals and technologies ,that it is difficult to keep up with all the emerging knowledge. But in the end attention to simple self- care trumps all these expensive strategies. We each have our unique wisdom and gifts to continue to share with the world , so it’s worth ” walking the walk”. I’m passionate that this can be the most satisfying time of life.
Thank you again for starting this blog . I think we can all learn something from it, and from the comments that interested readers leave. I look forward to reading the next one.
Thank you, Jo Anne. I like your approach to living while aging.
Hello Richard. Nice to ‘meet’ you via this blog. I am evolving my concept of retirement and aging as I slowly wind down my exec coaching career. What is clear to me so far is that continued purpose and connection are vital. Evolving those to our current state – whatever that is, seems key. We can all learn so much from each other. I look forward to the shared insights of others and learning from all of you. Thank you for establishing this forum for us.
Thank you. I have much to learn from my fellow travelers’ experiences, and look forward to learning from yours.
I have the pleasure of knowing Dr. Richard personally, and this is definitely his calling for retirement. Back to work without pay lol! Seriously, he is a wealth of knowledge and experience, triggered by his passion for discovering what he can learn about health and medicine to educate others. He is extremely devoted to his family, and one of the kindest most caring persons I’ve known. I’m excited for all of us to benefit from and share in his brilliance and generosity through his blog. Enjoy your lives!
Thank you, Brian.
Hi Richard,
I have enjoyed reading your posts. I am two years into retirement and it has been an interesting journey with some doors closing but others opening with new vistas. There is no definite road map here but I find it is important to seek out new connections and your blog is a wonderful way to do so. I agree that continuing to find meaning in what we do is important but I have to remind myself that I do not have to a hero. Small actions of kindness can be as valuable as the role of a physician that I have relinquished.
Thank you.
Congratulations, Richard, on launching your blog. Thanks for including our Class of ‘69.
As an RN, and in life, I’ve observed a wide variety of “aging ” on the spectrum. I think your blog will be popular. Best wishes!
Richard, even though you left our once shared education experience, I have missed you ever since. I already knew you were (are) a kind, thoughtful person even at such a young age. I cannot think of anyone better qualified to captain this ship of learning and helping each other to age as gracefully as possible. I know that I have not been stellar at it so far. Thank you for starting this.
Thanks for your comment, Diane. I like your image of us all being on a ship, but I certainly don’t feel like the captain. I still have much to learn about how to age gracefully. And I hope my fellow shipmates will help in this process.
I too want to thank you, Richard, for opening the door on this aging topic—one that some have difficulty discussing because it can be scary, as well as humbling.
Mine was a forced retirement, two yrs ago at age 69, a result of Covid on a large CO hospital system. I was the token from leadership, but one of eight RNs laid-off with 350 other non-medical staff.
Despite immediately being ready to stop working, the financial blow of unexpectedly losing 18 months of salary that I’d planned on until 71 has been tough. Gone are the plans I had, but there are many, many more who have much greater worries than these. I’m very grateful to be generally quite healthy, living in a rustic town in a mountainous paradise, and just minutes across town from my grandchildren.
If we can just reconcile ourselves to the aches & pains, the slowing of our minds & bodies, and the increasing loss of family and friends, maybe this aging thing won’t be so bad… 😎
I’ll take this walk with you, Richard…from our beginnings in Potwin to CA. As Ram Dass said, we’re all just walking each other home.
Thank you, Bruce. I love what Ram Dass said. That captures what this blog is about, and does so using many fewer words than I do.
The Golden years are not all that Golden after all. I realized when I was 18 yrs young, I had to enjoy life every day because times flies so quickly as we all now know and realize. I knew if I wanted to travel for example, I need to do this now while I have my health and strength. I am 71 yrs young and still working full-time 35 hrs per week. It helps that my job is not stressful and I love the work I do at my job. It also keeps my mind active and gives me a reason to wake up every day. It is very important to keep active doing something you love. Even though I have several health issues, I try to be hopeful and maintain a positive attitude. Younger co-workers keep asking me ” When are you going to retire and start enjoying your life?” as though age has something to do with that. I laughed and said, ” I am enjoying my life”. That is the key: “To enjoy your life daily and be thankful you made it another day since we don’t know what tomorrow will bring”.
Thank you, Bob. I like how you’re approaching aging gracefully. And, hopefully, slowly.
Looking forward to your next post.
I will be interested to accompany you on this journey. As a pediatrician, I focused on aging on the opposite side of life, where the challenges were different, but, like aging on this side of life, involved the entire family unit.
Thank you, Steve. Your perspective from the other end of the journey is very helpful. Some of my most difficult moments as an internist were trying to help parents who had lost a child. I was very inadequate in this role.
From the other Richard on Greenwood in the sixties, now staring at our 70’s, look forward to sharing conversation and experiences. Associations and interactions have become increasingly important as our life journey moves forward. Thanks for initiation.
I have proofread my paperwork Mr. McKinney😂
Hi Richard, from the other end of our hometown street! With Mr. McKinney, it was A or F. No middle ground. And I got a fair number of both grades.
Great to read your insight, Richard! I just retired from my dental practice and am dealing with not seeing my extended family (patients) on a regular basis that had been a part of my life for 40+years. So, navigating along my different road, but looking at more golf will make it an easier journey.
Hi Merle. Congrats on retirement. It’s great to have golf as a diversion. I gave golf a serious try three years ago. Took lessons for six months. Practiced once or twice a week. Let me just say that when I was out on the driving range, it was not a pretty picture and other golfers were shying away from me and my errant golf balls. The wisest thing I could do was to lay down the clubs.
Has anyone else ever been looking for advice on something and the first person you think of asking is a parent? Then you’re reminded that you can’t – unless you’re one of the lucky ones who hasn’t already lost one or both parents – and it causes you to go through that whole rewind of missing them, wishing you’d done this or that better when they were still around or asked some questions that you’d never have thought to ask them back then. It could be triggered by “I wonder whatever happened to this or that…” or “…who is that in this picture” or a million other things. Maybe parents we have lost are still time traveling now. I have my own ideas of how that would be – and think I’d like it.
Your articles are thoughtful, insightful, and personal. I am grateful that Jenith sent out a link to your blog. I enjoy reading everyone’s comments, especially from the names I recognize. Beyond listening to complaints about how bodies are falling apart, it is difficult to find a considerate discussion of life’s progression past 70 and how that may contribute to a life well lived. So, thank you for allowing us to share our experiences as well as yours. I look forward to reading more, and I still use the Oxford comma, Mr. McKinney.
Yes, indeed, a very good beginning the the later stage of life. I sometimes feel like I’m in a battlefield with those around me getting hit with various maladays or death, just waiting to get “hit”. It’s not fun but I do think staying busy and connected to those around us is key to staying alive. Well Done, Richard!