Month: August 2023

August 2023

By Richard Fleming

Photo courtesy of Hannah Wei

The aging process affects every part of our body. No organ remains immune to the slowing down and stiffening up which progresses with every turn of the calendar’s page. Old folks can register many valid complaints about the serious problems we experience from our aging hearts, minds, joints, and other organs. But there is at least one body part where aging is more an annoyance than life-constricting.

I’m referring to the aging of our voices.

Most of us don’t have a good sense of how our voices sound to others. And we don’t appreciate how our voices change over time. I came face to face with this phenomenon recently when I recorded my voice to get a callback from a customer service department: “Speak your voice after the tone, then hit any key to disconnect and you will be called back in the order your call was received.” An hour later, the phone rings and I hear a disembodied voice say, “This is the callback you requested. When … Richard Fleming … is on the phone, hit 1.” When my name was spoken, it allegedly was the recording I had made. But it didn’t sound like me. Instead I heard some old guy’s voice stating my name. I initially thought there must be a technological glitch in the recording since my voice certainly didn’t sound that old.

After the callback concluded, I contemplated a bit. Do I really sound like an old guy when I open my mouth? Was that recorded voice I just heard mine? It hadn’t previously occurred to me that my voice betrayed my status as a senior. But after recording a brief voice memo on my phone and listening to it play back, I heard an old guy’s voice. Denial was no longer an option.

I thought back to when I was young – you know, 10 or 20 years ago. In those days I always knew when I was talking to an old person on the phone from the timbre and quality of their voice. And when speaking with seniors in person, their voices sounded, well… old. You know what I mean? A mite thin. A bit raspy. Lacking resonance.

Then I reflected on the fact that when I’m talking with someone on the phone, I may not know from their voice if they are Gen X or Millennial. But I know for sure they’re not old. The vocal characteristics of these middle generations do not distinguish one age from another. But they are very different from the voices of the elderly. Our speech provides audible confirmation that we have traveled far, far down the road.

Voices change as we grow old because of our aging anatomy. Our vocal cords become thinner and less flexible. The muscles controlling them lose strength. Our lung volumes contract and our chest muscles weaken, reducing the volume and force of air we push through our vocal cords when we speak. All these factors combine to change the sound of our voices.

How fast our voices change with age varies from person to person. Some 60-year-olds have voices that sound young. Others sound like they’ve already reached 80. But eventually “old person’s voice” comes for us all.  By the time we reach our 70s, there’s no way we can pass for Millennial when we call the cable company to get our service working. Our voices unmistakably declare we are in the Social Security generation. (Of course, there’s also the reality that few people under age 50 even have cable, so the customer rep knows up front the caller is most likely an older person.)

While I’m on the subject of aging voices, I would be remiss if I didn’t touch on what happens to vocalists as they grow old. I have no personal experience with this phenomenon since I cannot carry a tune to save my soul. (Trust me, my abstention from singing made the world a better place.) But for people who love to sing, the changing of their voice can be difficult. Vocalists can and hopefully will continue singing well into old age, since music enriches our lives in ways that speech cannot. But the quality of their singing voice will inevitably evolve as the years pass.

Whether we communicate through speech or through song – or both – the timbre of our ideas and the pitch of our feelings inevitably matures over time. And hopefully this chorus of voices growing old resonates across the generations.

In the general scheme of things, aging voices are far down on the list of concerns that seniors must spend time on. While I wouldn’t object if my voice of yore returned, there are twelve other phenomena of aging which are higher priority to address. Of course, I will never see improvements in any of them. So I’ll simply settle for using my old guy’s voice to complain about growing old. But I’ll also use that voice to cherish the many wonderful elements of aging. And my good fortune to still be able to experience both.

*    *    *

If you enjoyed this post, please consider subscribing to be notified of future posts. Subscriptions are free.

August 2023

By Richard Fleming

Photo courtesy of Jill Sauve

My wife and I are very fortunate to be able to babysit our seven-month old granddaughter several times a week. She is cute and adorable beyond words. But being a grandparent is harder now than the last time we saddled up for this rodeo. (Our two other grandchildren are 13 and 11 years old.) The reasons are two-fold. First, the job requirements have apparently evolved over the past decade. And second, we are undeniably a bit older.

To start with, babies weigh more now than they used to. Carrying our precious granddaughter around takes a toll on my low back. When my two other grandkids were 7 months old, hauling them around was easy. They didn’t weigh much. Picking them up was accomplished without a moment’s hesitation. Nowadays I have to steady myself and stand carefully when lifting my granddaughter. And it’s not only my back. Sometimes my shoulders join the chorus of complaining joints.

It also seems that babies have acquired new skills they never possessed ten years ago. Our granddaughter recently learned the “army crawl,” a maneuver in which she scoots quickly across the floor while on her stomach, pushing herself forward with her arms and legs. I acknowledge my memory isn’t what it used to be, but I have no recall of our previous two grandchildren engaging in army crawling. They simply went from perching on their stomachs to what used to be known as “crawling.”

Our granddaughter’s new mobility skill set requires a new babysitting skill set. When babies set their minds on exploration, they can move pretty quickly. But I never lost a race to our first two grandkids when they decided to crawl towards the stairway. My, have times changed. Our 7-month-old can army crawl almost as fast as I can walk. So when the little darling decides she wants to scoot across the floor to explore a wooden chest, I have to move quickly to make sure she doesn’t dent her forehead on the sharp corner.

Actually the process of watching a baby is much more involved and tiring now than in the past. With the first two grandkids, I could easily babysit each one by myself all day. Now it requires two grandparents on duty simultaneously to do the job well. I must say I am mystified, amazed, and impressed at how mothers are able to take care of their children alone. Hats off.

Another changing part of grandparenting is the emergence of new technology. Tech advances are supposed to make our lives easier and more efficient. But the new tech of child-rearing is a mixed bag, in my opinion. Previously, when we put our grandchildren to sleep, we made sure the crib was nearby so we would know if they started crying and to ensure they stayed on their backs. Well, that simple approach is ancient history. Currently there is a small camera and microphone mounted above our granddaughter’s crib which monitors her every breath, movement, and sound. We had to download an app to our phones which alerts us with a loud alarm if there is any problem with her sleeping or breathing. It’s nice to be able to go to a different part of the house while she sleeps, but the last thing we need is yet another app on our phones.

Milk bottles have also been redesigned. They now have some kind of internal apparatus which supposedly lessens babies’ air swallowing when they are drinking milk. Now I am far from an expert in these matters, but I have yet to notice any reduction in gassiness with these fancy new bottles. When I stand up to gently burp my granddaughter, she produces the same quantity and quality of satisfying belches as my first two grandkids. The new bottle technology has also not affected another aspect of post-feeding activity. My efforts to get my granddaughter to belch invariably lead me to belch once or twice also, just as happened a decade earlier.

But there is one tech development which is a clear step forward. If you are not a recent grandparent, you may not know they are now making indestructible books for babies. These cute volumes look like the paper books of old. I lost count of how many books my first two grandchildren destroyed ten years back. But these new books are truly impossible to rip, tear, chew to pieces, or damage in any of the myriad ways babies can attack books. I cannot tell you what a relief this is.

*    *    *

I do not mean to sound like I’m complaining about babysitting as a grandparent. It is one of the most treasured and valuable parts of growing old. It is an opportunity that some of my friends have not been able to experience. Yes, it is more challenging now than when I was 60 years old, but it is still rewarding beyond measure. When my granddaughter smiles, the room lights up. When I make a funny face and she giggles, it is an expression of joy and love which transcends the generations. It makes the increasing obstacles of being a 72-year-old grandparent disappear.

*    *    *

If you enjoyed this post, please consider subscribing to be notified of future posts. Subscriptions are free.