Month: November 2023

November 2023

By Richard Fleming

Photo courtesy of Zeynep Sumer

It can be challenging to understand, much less embrace, the aging process. There are many aspects of growing old that we rightfully dread. Our bodies inevitably – though hopefully slowly – wind down. Everyday activities like climbing stairs, bathing, and walking eventually become difficult. We find ourselves more easily fatigued as our stamina drops. Even for those fortunate enough to avoid dementia, our minds begin to stumble. Recalling names can be difficult. Remembering where we put our reading glasses becomes frustrating.

Many older folks face serious problems of social isolation and loneliness, and depression is common.

External challenges mount. The duration of pedestrian crosslights appears to shorten every few years, making street crossings more difficult. Parking spaces at the grocery store keep moving farther away from the entrance. At least they seem to. Driving becomes increasingly risky because the roads are filling with impatient people who are evidently honors graduates of the Fast and Furious School of Driving.

Many seniors face serious financial difficulties. Health costs tend to mount. When long-term care is needed, it is expensive and difficult to find. The cost of living keeps increasing, even though many old folks are on fixed incomes.

Popular culture, especially television and movies, tends to portray old people as either frail and feeble, or childishly cute in a most demeaning way. Few older actors play dynamic, exciting, or sexy roles. Ageism extends to advertising. The only pitches aimed at old folks are ads encouraging us to ask our doctors for specific prescription medicines. Or imploring us to purchase mobility assist devices. And espousing the benefits of non-leaky undergarments for our irritable bladders. Even though I try to ignore advertising, I would love to see an occasional ad for athletic shoes for folks in their 70s.

Whew! This is a long list of problems. But growing old need not be viewed as exclusively gray and grim. Some aspects of aging are uplifting and rewarding. Let’s take a brief look at the silver linings in the golden years, a few small subtle perks of aging.

First, there can be a few financial advantages. Old folks are often provided senior discounts at retail establishments. Movie theaters, some restaurants, and public transit systems, among other facilities, frequently charge seniors lower prices. If we travel, we can visit many tourist attractions for lower fees.

Next, there are major benefits in day-to-day time management. After retirement, we gain greater control over our schedules. We don’t need to set the alarm every morning and could – theoretically – stay up late at night if we wished. (Of course, the reality is we often go to bed earlier because we get tired easily.) Even though we may have time-consuming family and home responsibilities, we usually have greater flexibility in our days. We gain more time to pursue hobbies, volunteer work, and community activities. If we are so inclined, we can travel more.

One of the best perks of growing old is grandchildren. Not all seniors are lucky enough to experience this gift, though many have grandnieces or grandnephews. As grandparents, we are able to share the spirit and joy of young children. We can spend time playing with them, bringing back memories of our own childhoods. They lavish us with unconditional love. They look up to us and are not bothered by our cognitive gaps. And, best of all, we hand them back to their parents at the end of the day.

Lastly, one of aging’s magic miracles is that we no longer need to spend vast amounts of time working to secure our futures. Young and middle-aged folks have to devote significant energy and resources to prioritizing and working toward an array of current and future goals. Not us oldsters. Think about it. We no longer have to figure out how to survive in our jobs. Our “to do” lists are briefer and simpler. We no longer need to devote any and all free time to parenting. For the most part we no longer need to acquire a lot of things, like cars, houses, furniture, clothing, and other consumer goods. Because our futures are shorter and smaller, our lives are simpler. Less stressful.

These benefits of growing old are small and subtle. They do not outweigh the many troubles and indignities which build one upon another to challenge our ability to experience joy.

But they are helpful. We should remember and enjoy the perks, such as they are. Doing so can foster a sense of optimism. They can help us see that the glass is one-quarter full.

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November 2023

By Richard Fleming

Photo courtesy of Robert Collins

Virtually every aspect of daily living changes as we age. How we dress. The way we walk. How we talk. Our morning routine. What we think about during the day. How we prepare for bed. Everything we do, everything we think, evolves as the decades pass. It should come as no surprise that our concept of fun also changes as we grow older.

I will not focus here on relationships. At all ages, life’s deepest enjoyment and most profound fun is found in meaningful, loving relationships with family and friends. Rather, this post will look at what makes leisure time interests fun at different stages of life.

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As I traveled through my younger years, I found lots of activities to be fun. Now that I’m in my 8^th decade, I still enjoy many of these same pasttimes, but each now carries an asterisk. The enjoyment I experience comes with some qualifiers

Let me go through a few examples.

Parties I always enjoyed parties when I was young. Either out on the town or at someone’s house, it was fun spending time with friends and family, and many of these gatherings extended late into the night. The later they went, the more fun they were. Something about the lateness of the hour made socializing magical.

Parties* I still like going to parties, but they are much more fun if they don’t run too late. One of the paradoxes of aging is that when we reach the point we no longer have to wake up early for work – when we could stay up late – we find our energy, stamina, and even cognition fading when the clock strikes 9 or 10. It’s almost embarrassing to realize that my bedtime now parallels the bedtime of my young grandchildren. There are still times I find enjoyment at parties running later, but this is for the most part limited to New Years Eve. And even staying up till midnight then can be a struggle.

Movies Though I’ve never been a cinephile, I always liked going to movie theaters. There was something enjoyable about relaxing in a comfortable chair, watching a film on the big screen surrounded by great sound, and eating popcorn drenched in enough butter to clog a coronary artery. Experiencing movies with other people amped up the fun.

Movies* Movies are still fun, but much more so when I stream them on our home TV, sitting next to my wife on the couch. I don’t need to spend time driving to a theater, finding a place to park, and driving home after the movie when my energy level is flagging. I also enjoy movies more when I can watch with subtitles. My hearing has declined to the point it can be hard to understand what actors are saying on the big screen. A few months ago we went to the theater to see the latest Indiana Jones movie, and it was disconcerting to hear the audience laughing at dialogue I could not comprehend.

Sports Back in the day, I loved going to see sports in person. Especially watching the Golden State Warriors. I did not get to many games, but tried to attend a couple every season. Even though the seats were usually far from the court, it was fun sitting with thousands of other fans, cheering and clapping. Also in the realm of sports, I used to enjoy playing tennis, even though my good friend Dave consistently beat me.

Sports* My last in-person visit to a sports game was a good ten years back. The energy required to find reasonably-priced tickets, drive to the game, park, and then sit with thousands of other people yelling their heads off became too much. It was more enjoyable watching games on TV. No driving. No tickets needed. I could pause the game anytime I needed a hygiene break. I could replay interesting action on the DVR, in slo-mo, to see what had really happened. Actually, I’m now finding my interest in watching sports – even at home – is waning. I know many seniors who still follow their teams fervently, but by distancing myself a bit from local sports teams, I suffer less angst when they lose. Life is too short to dwell on why my teams lose. As far as playing tennis, that activity was shelved long ago.

Games As a child, I loved games. Hide and seek. Checkers and chess. My childhood friends and I developed an interest in bridge, and we enjoyed playing at the kitchen table, snacking on my mother’s Cajun shrimp. I reached adulthood in the quiet period before video games became a thing. Pong emerged in the early 1970s, and video game consoles appeared shortly after. In those years, I was in medical school and had little time to play games, so I failed to develop the robust video game skills that many of my peers acquired. But I still enjoyed playing an occasional game of chess.

Games* As an old guy, many categories of games are out of the question. Video games are way too complicated and require good reflexes. Board games which go on for hours, like Monopoly, are pretty dicey, since my attention span won’t last long enough. Games with complex instructions are out of the question too. So I’m left with games like Wordle, which are simple to learn and short to play.

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There are many other activities I did not review above which also require an asterisk: reading (books which are less complex), traveling (fewer energetic endeavors), and shopping (mostly online these days), to name a few.

I don’t begrudge young people being able to have fun with no qualifying asterisks. They enjoy action, activity, excitement, and energy. I remember those days with some degree of fondness.

But they are in my past.

I now find more enjoyment in pastimes that are quiet and serene. I do not miss the emotional and physical intensity which used to be preconditions for fun. Young people might view my experience of fun as a devolution and retreat. For me, I see it as a natural evolution. Experiencing fun in quieter, calmer ways does not feel like giving up or making a sacrifice. It is truly rewarding and satisfying. And I plan to – or at least I hope to – continue having peaceful fun for many years to come.

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