Too Close To Home

February 2024

By Richard Fleming

Photo courtesy of Ricardo IV Tamayo

My wife and I recently saw two well-reviewed documentaries – one a TV series, the other a movie – showcasing seniors suffering serious health problems. The first focused on acute changes in old people’s health. The second explored the chronic downhill slide often experienced by seniors. They were interesting. But I also found them disquieting. They made me a bit uncomfortable, akin to fingernails scratching on a blackboard.

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The TV series is called 999: Critical Condition. Over 36 episodes, it presents an intimate look inside the Emergency Department and critical care units of Royal Stoke University Hospital in Staffordshire County, England. My wife is a retired ICU nurse and I am a retired internist, so we thought it would be an interesting series. We could relive some of the excitement without having to experience the very real stresses and pressures that kind of work entails.

The first installment of 999: Critical Condition offers a close-up view of old people being brought urgently into the hospital with possible strokes, heart attacks, and other serious medical problems. It also includes some younger patients coming in after traumatic injuries. The documentary features close-ups of not only the patients, but also their family members experiencing bewilderment, anxiety, and devastating grief. They are trying to come to terms with how their lives have abruptly transformed from familiarity and comfort to strangeness and heartache.

As the show progressed, I found myself shifting around on the sofa, not able to enjoy what I was seeing. Rather than remembering fondly the exciting days (earlier in my career) when I worked in an ER and an ICU, I could not stop imagining what it would be like if I was one of the patients coming in by ambulance. Or if it was my wife.

We only got through one episode. I don’t think I can watch any more.

The vignettes of younger patients did not generate as much angst. I found their experiences in the ER more interesting. I felt bad for these young patients and their families. But their stories were intriguing. And it was easier to maintain my distance from them. I don’t imagine myself falling off a ladder or being hit by a car while crossing the street.

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The movie is a Chilean documentary called The Eternal Memory. Nominated for Best Documentary Feature Film this year, it tells the story of an older couple, Augusto and Paulina, who have been married for 25 years. Eight years ago Augusto developed Alzheimer’s, and it has been steadily progressing. Rather than suddenly changing a person’s life forever, as can happen with a stroke or heart attack, Alzheimer’s slowly robs people of their memories. And losing memories means losing part of oneself. The changes do not happen over days or weeks. They progress over a period of years.

The movie portrays Augusto’s gradual loss of himself in very human and relatable terms. And it tenderly shows his wife Paulina doing her best to support him during his slow downward spiral. The challenges she faces are hard to fathom. She alternates between optimism and pessimism, love and frustration, patience and anger, denial and acceptance. But letting him decline without her is never an option.

This movie also was a bit disconcerting to view. I have one family member experiencing dementia, and fortunately we have an excellent support system in place to help. But the idea of my wife or myself possibly succumbing to Alzheimer’s is too painful to contemplate. If it happens, we will deal with it, of course. But witnessing the difficulties of that challenge in this movie was quite uncomfortable.

Fortunately this film lasted only 85 minutes. I don’t think I could have watched much longer.

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Seeing these two shows was both engrossing and repelling.

In the old days, I used to enjoy programs and movies like these. Stories of old people experiencing the maladies of aging and the ways their families supported them were heartwarming. Not anymore. Now I find these stories heartrending. They’re no longer warm and fuzzy. Now they seem a bit ominous.

Simply put, they hit too close to home.

If I am lucky enough to continue growing older, I wonder whether I will reach a point when these movie and TV themes will again become enjoyable to watch. But this would require a level of maturity and acceptance I’ve not yet reached. For the next few years, I think it’s best if I put myself on a timeout from watching shows about the tribulations and capriciousness of old age. Actually living through the process of growing old provides more than enough emotional stimulation.

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