November 2023
By Richard Fleming
Photo courtesy of Robert Collins
Virtually every aspect of daily living changes as we age. How we dress. The way we walk. How we talk. Our morning routine. What we think about during the day. How we prepare for bed. Everything we do, everything we think, evolves as the decades pass. It should come as no surprise that our concept of fun also changes as we grow older.
I will not focus here on relationships. At all ages, life’s deepest enjoyment and most profound fun is found in meaningful, loving relationships with family and friends. Rather, this post will look at what makes leisure time interests fun at different stages of life.
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As I traveled through my younger years, I found lots of activities to be fun. Now that I’m in my 8th decade, I still enjoy many of these same pasttimes, but each now carries an asterisk. The enjoyment I experience comes with some qualifiers
Let me go through a few examples.
Parties I always enjoyed parties when I was young. Either out on the town or at someone’s house, it was fun spending time with friends and family, and many of these gatherings extended late into the night. The later they went, the more fun they were. Something about the lateness of the hour made socializing magical.
Parties* I still like going to parties, but they are much more fun if they don’t run too late. One of the paradoxes of aging is that when we reach the point we no longer have to wake up early for work – when we could stay up late – we find our energy, stamina, and even cognition fading when the clock strikes 9 or 10. It’s almost embarrassing to realize that my bedtime now parallels the bedtime of my young grandchildren. There are still times I find enjoyment at parties running later, but this is for the most part limited to New Years Eve. And even staying up till midnight then can be a struggle.
Movies Though I’ve never been a cinephile, I always liked going to movie theaters. There was something enjoyable about relaxing in a comfortable chair, watching a film on the big screen surrounded by great sound, and eating popcorn drenched in enough butter to clog a coronary artery. Experiencing movies with other people amped up the fun.
Movies* Movies are still fun, but much more so when I stream them on our home TV, sitting next to my wife on the couch. I don’t need to spend time driving to a theater, finding a place to park, and driving home after the movie when my energy level is flagging. I also enjoy movies more when I can watch with subtitles. My hearing has declined to the point it can be hard to understand what actors are saying on the big screen. A few months ago we went to the theater to see the latest Indiana Jones movie, and it was disconcerting to hear the audience laughing at dialogue I could not comprehend.
Sports Back in the day, I loved going to see sports in person. Especially watching the Golden State Warriors. I did not get to many games, but tried to attend a couple every season. Even though the seats were usually far from the court, it was fun sitting with thousands of other fans, cheering and clapping. Also in the realm of sports, I used to enjoy playing tennis, even though my good friend Dave consistently beat me.
Sports* My last in-person visit to a sports game was a good ten years back. The energy required to find reasonably-priced tickets, drive to the game, park, and then sit with thousands of other people yelling their heads off became too much. It was more enjoyable watching games on TV. No driving. No tickets needed. I could pause the game anytime I needed a hygiene break. I could replay interesting action on the DVR, in slo-mo, to see what had really happened. Actually, I’m now finding my interest in watching sports – even at home – is waning. I know many seniors who still follow their teams fervently, but by distancing myself a bit from local sports teams, I suffer less angst when they lose. Life is too short to dwell on why my teams lose. As far as playing tennis, that activity was shelved long ago.
Games As a child, I loved games. Hide and seek. Checkers and chess. My childhood friends and I developed an interest in bridge, and we enjoyed playing at the kitchen table, snacking on my mother’s Cajun shrimp. I reached adulthood in the quiet period before video games became a thing. Pong emerged in the early 1970s, and video game consoles appeared shortly after. In those years, I was in medical school and had little time to play games, so I failed to develop the robust video game skills that many of my peers acquired. But I still enjoyed playing an occasional game of chess.
Games* As an old guy, many categories of games are out of the question. Video games are way too complicated and require good reflexes. Board games which go on for hours, like Monopoly, are pretty dicey, since my attention span won’t last long enough. Games with complex instructions are out of the question too. So I’m left with games like Wordle, which are simple to learn and short to play.
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There are many other activities I did not review above which also require an asterisk: reading (books which are less complex), traveling (fewer energetic endeavors), and shopping (mostly online these days), to name a few.
I don’t begrudge young people being able to have fun with no qualifying asterisks. They enjoy action, activity, excitement, and energy. I remember those days with some degree of fondness.
But they are in my past.
I now find more enjoyment in pastimes that are quiet and serene. I do not miss the emotional and physical intensity which used to be preconditions for fun. Young people might view my experience of fun as a devolution and retreat. For me, I see it as a natural evolution. Experiencing fun in quieter, calmer ways does not feel like giving up or making a sacrifice. It is truly rewarding and satisfying. And I plan to – or at least I hope to – continue having peaceful fun for many years to come.
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Oh, how I too can relate.
Went to a casino where a surprise birthday party was being celebrated with family. After the cake, sharing of laughs about experiences with the birthday girl we decided to spend some money at the tables.
Just the procedure to even tokens but registering on a computer my name, city, etc. Next I had to ask for help how to buy tokens. No tokens any more I asked. I had to enter in the computer my name, age and a PASSWORD for the computer to spit out a name tag I was then faced with entering my PASSWORD in order to turn ON the machine. I then had to ask for help in retrieving my password.
Thanks heavens I found a kind employee that was celebrating her last week before retiring after thirty years passing out cocktails keeping everyone happy.
I then had to find the slot to place my card upon twelve icons rolled around to a stopping point. Even though there was lots of bells going off I was not aware if I was a looser or winner. My fun was over in less and 45 seconds because I was too old to follow the role of the wheel since I was just looing for cherries and bars.
Gardening. Great!
Gardening.* Good enough.
Every time I read one of your posts I say to myself ‘I should comment and let him know how much I enjoy this blog,” and then fail to do so. This time I’m actually following through (which might be its own asterisk…)
Great article! I enjoy them so much
Same with me
Sadly, few activities excite me or bring me the same level of joy they once did. I think it is partly due to the “been there done that” experience but mostly just a lack of adrenaline and energy. One thing though that brings me instant joy and warms my heart is seeing 2-6 year old kids running, excitedly exploring their small world and playing like puppies. I envy and I joy in their joy. I sometimes wish my three grandchildren could be that young forever.
As always, insightful and funny. No asterisk needed.
I enjoyed arcade games, when those were popular, then for a while played video games on my computer. Now it’s so much easier to go to YouTube and watch someone else play games with much more expertise than I ever had.
Write on, Richard! And the bridge games were great.
Touch football: now I walk with a cane… same for basketball behind the garage….
All resonates, Richard. After all the fun we had with bridge in our youth, I hardly played at all for decades, busy with other priorities. Recently, we have resumed playing occasionally with other couples. Advantages: early to bed and the quiet of our home so we can hear! Thanks for the post and for the memories!
Thanks Richard. Hope you are well. As always, very insightful thinking and writing. Thanks.
Wow, this posting really hits home in every aspect you addressed. My husband and I talk about our days of backpacking, dirt bike riding, tent camping, enjoying parties with friends and how active we once were. I wonder how I had time to work, raise our daughter, then our grandchildren and still have fun. I wish I could be more physically active but “ all joints have been replaced and some the warranty is past due”.
I remember you as a quiet, conscientious MD who always was friendly; not ever a cruel word. Yes, I am older and wiser ( on some things) but do really appreciate the life I’m living.
Wonderful post. Oh so true! I had difficulty getting through my recent 80th birthday celebrations with family, even though grateful to all the family for their marvelous preparations. And grateful for making it to 80!!!