November 2022
By Richard Fleming
I never imagined I would evolve into a crotchety old man. It was not on my bucket list and I’m fighting this archetype. The battle is joined, the outcome uncertain.
When I was young, I envisioned maturing into a suave, sophisticated, silver-haired older gentleman. This goal was wildly optimistic. Clumsy and awkward are better descriptors than suave and sophisticated. My hair is mousy gray, not silver. And I’m becoming a mite irritated with young people.
Apparently my struggle against becoming a cantankerous old guy continues.
In my own defense, my grouchiness is selective. There are many aspects of youth I admire and respect. Their energy. Their enthusiasm. Their curiosity. Their ability to lift heavy objects which would guarantee me a lumbar disc herniation if I attempted such a maneuver myself. I could not survive in the manner to which I am accustomed without the support and spirit of the young.
However. Young people uniformly manifest one of the most irritating traits known to humankind. In doing so, they defy longstanding precedent and the expertise of their elders. The persistence of this annoying habit may yet transform me into an irredeemably irritable senior citizen. If your year of birth precedes 1972, you know the negative attribute to which I refer. It is young people’s infuriating obsession with using their thumbs to type.
In case you are mystified by my irritation, let me explain. Please look down at your hands. Two of your ten digits are wider and thicker than the others. They have two joints. They are clumsy. They are called thumbs. Now observe the other eight digits. They have three joints. Their tips are thin. They are lithe and flexible. They are called fingers.
So far, so good. I’m trying to remain calm.
From time immemorial, there has been a division of labor between thumbs and fingers. Thumbs, intrinsically awkward, serve principally to stabilize the hand’s grip. Occasionally they engage with large objects, like the space bar on a keyboard. But they are too large to take on detailed activities independently. Fingers, intrinsically agile, are used for actions requiring dexterity and accuracy. There is a reason flautists avoid playing their instrument with their thumbs. The thumbs support the flute. They cannot create the music.
Another example. When reading War and Peace, we rely on our most discriminating finger to turn the 1,225 pages. The second finger is the most precise digit. Doctors refer to it as the index finger for good reason. The thumb can play an auxiliary role in turning pages, but the index finger takes the lead. Trust me on this. I passed anatomy in medical school in 1972. Human anatomy has changed little over the past half century.
OK. The structure and function of our ten digits has now been scientifically established.
Cutting to our current problem, young people decided some time ago to ignore the wisdom passed down from their elders and deploy their thumbs to the task of typing. And they do so on microscopic cell phone keyboards. Older and wiser folk opt to use their fingers – or more commonly their dominant hand’s index finger – to type slowly and carefully on cell phone keyboards. The results are wondrous. Few misspelled words. Punctuation is crisp and clear.
For young people, typing with the thumbs generates myriad problems. Misspelled words abound – “ur” instead of “your” or “you’re,” “n” instead of “and.” How does “to be honest” end up as “tbh”? And excuse me for asking, but what became of periods and commas in young people’s writing? Is capitalization a crime? My index finger never misses the period or comma keys. It never views the capitalization key as an inconvenience.
Truth be told, I long for the days of typewriter keyboards. Sixty words a minute was a snap. All ten digits knew their roles. Written words could be produced quickly, easily, and accurately.
But nostalgia holds a faint candle against the winds of change.
As I continue my journey, I pause to contemplate two diverging paths ahead. To pick one route means sticking with the world we older folks created. To take the other requires accepting that young people are creating the future.
Taking the first path will feel more comfortable, initially. But I fear I will become the grumpy old man I’m trying to avoid. If I choose the second path, I may feel awkward. But I will come to accept that young people are the ones constructing our new world. They are creating many new approaches to living and doing their best to solve the myriad problems we older folks created. If I am lucky, I may get to live in this new world for a while, as a calm older man. And I can try to help clean up some of the messes made by us older folks.
I hesitate a moment more. Which path will it be? The sun is coursing westwards and I must make my choice. Slowly at first, I place one foot in front of the other. My pace picks up as I decide to acknowledge the oncoming generation. It is time.
And this choice apparently requires I start typing with my thumbs.
tbh im jus sayin u no
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Great comments, Richard! A sentiment shared by most, if not all, of us who were born before 1972. I love “…nostalgia holds a faint candle against the winds of change.” Keep ’em coming!
I’m just glad I can “swipe” on my Android device – using my index finger.
These two thumbs are up!
Somewhere in the great whatever, Marion McKinney is smiling.
Amen to that!
I never think of my friends’ ages until we get out our phones. Then my arthritic right index finger types slowly never missing the correct spelling and punctuation. They finished entering our next date together and I have barely started. I have tried using my thumbs and cannot fathom how they do it. On another subject, I am thinking of having T-shirts made to wear when shopping or receiving services anywhere for the very young, nice person “helping” me. “Speak Up, Speak Slowly, Enunciate, Say Thank You.”
Boy, I would love to have one of those T-shirts. It’s even more frustrating when you are accessing Customer Service on the phone. I have lost count of how many times I’ve requested the speaker to speak up, speak slowly and enunciate.
I wonder how many people are confused by the abbreviations they dream up? I was stumped by TNR. I wonder if the cat is stumped until they are thrown in a box (T), taken to a smelly place and surgery performed (N) and then returned to their homestead (R) to talkie out it!
I have observed from a distance the thumb-keyboarding, and not for very long. I’ve always wondered how the keys are divided between the left and right thumbs. But I don’t dwell on that conundrum for any length of time. I’ll never need to know how to do that.
Meanwhile, I pick up my metal stylus and happily peck at my phone’s keyboard …
(the above was comment was written on my laptop)
Thank you, Richard, for your essays! You so eloquently express what most of are probably feeling. I really wanted to be that sweet little old lady grandma, but I struggle with staying positive. I look forward to more of your writing.
I now feel much better about myself, as I slowly but accurately type this with my index finger.
I don’t know, Richard, I am rather reveling in being a grumpy old lady at this point. I guess when I was younger, I aspired to be the “crazy old bat” on the block when I retired. This seems less relevent now that I live in a 55+ development since most of us here are retired and grumpy and occasionally crazy. I must admit that some days it feels good to directly express my true feelings which include impatience, a yearning for reliability and dependability, and an insistence on utmost honesty to those not in our generation. I understand that the recipients of my not-so-tactful comments do not particularly welcome them, but I can live with that. For me, a bit of grumpiness now and then feels like I am saying “I will not go quietly into the night”. I am not ungrateful for the advancements that the next generations are bringing, but I must continue to insist on the values and traditions that brought us to this point. Of course, I don’t need to be grumpy to do that, but it does seem more fun that way.
I think you are right, Richard. You can complain, but you cannot fight it. I have often fantasized that the world would come to me for wisdom and direction, but alas, no dice! Perhaps that is not so bad!
And I enjoyed the comments of all my old friends and classmates!
My NEW mantra: “My Final Chapter.”
A friend shared this book with me while I tried to find my NEW role in my Soul.
authored by Connie Zweig. “With extended longevity comes the opportunity for extended personal growth and spiritual development. You now have the chance to become an Elder, to leave behind past roles, shift from work in the outer world to inner work with the soul.”
Hi Richard, it’s been a long long time since we last communicated. I’m in Missouri and still working part time doing geriatrics and palliative care. I love the grumpy old men (and women). I have a tad of the curmudgeon in me but lots of patience with life’s kerfluffles. I do a lot of listening. And you inspired me to try my thumbs. It works. I will have to consider them for the future.