Signposts of Old Age

September2024

By Richard Fleming

Photo courtesy of Mourad Saadi

I still find it challenging to accept the fact I live in the land of old-age. On the surface, I do not feel that different than 10 years ago, when I was in my early 60s. I wake up, have my morning coffee, read the paper, and embark on my day. Yes, I have some more aches and pains. The joints feel a bit stiff at times. But I have been lucky as far as serious health issues, and I just don’t feel like I’m elderly, an oldster, a dinosaur. I feel like I’m maybe halfway through middle-age.

But it is important to stay grounded in reality. And the reality is this: I am currently older than 90% of the population of the U.S. I don’t have to search an online encyclopedia to know I am a senior in every sense of the word – officially, unofficially, practically, socially, scientifically, medically, and culturally.

I realize, too, that I am seeing an increasing number of signposts which help clarify that I am a citizen of the nation of the old. In case anyone in my generation reading these words may also be in denial, I want to share some of the markers of old-age that I am coming to understand. A person can walk past – or experience – two or three and still be middle-aged, but once you get to four or more, the verdict is in. And there is no appeal.

• You decide to listen to an oldies station on a streaming service and are surprised it is filled with songs from the 2000s and 2010s.
• You’re watching a movie whose main characters are Gen Z, and you don’t understand most of the slang they use.
• Moving your joints creates noises people can hear across the room.
• You’re always on the lookout for chairs, wherever you are.
• Young people in the grocery store initially line up behind you, seeing that you are one cart away from the checker. But when they get a good look at you, they switch to a longer line because they assume you will take forever to figure out how to pay for your groceries.
• Cashiers in stores start telling you how and where to tap your credit or debit card on the terminal before you even get a chance to use the card.
• Millennials or Gen Z’ers you’re interacting with in public call you “young fella” or “young lady.” And they say these words loud enough for others to hear.
• You start needing to see the doctor four or more times per year.
• When you go out for coffee with friends, an increasing proportion of your time is spent talking about medical issues that you and your friends are experiencing.
• You start accumulating so many prescription medications they require two or even three shelves in the medicine cabinet.
• You always need the closed captioning turned on when you watch TV.
• The TV shows you are watching have commercials mostly about wheelchairs, medications, and nearby senior living options. And yes, you still watch broadcast television.
• You start regretting you do not live in a one-story home.
• Your weight starts to creep up year by year even though your eating habits have not changed. Human metabolism slows down in old age – a betrayal if there ever was one – meaning we must consume fewer calories to maintain a stable weight.
• It becomes significantly harder and more energy-draining to babysit your younger grandchildren now than it was to watch your older grandchildren when they were the same age.
• It takes all day to complete the basic chores and errands required to keep your home functioning. In the past, you could do them all while working full time and raising kids, and still have time for leisure activities.
• You start paring down your bucket list, as it becomes clear you cannot possibly accomplish all the goals you added to it when you were middle-aged.
• You start spending more time thinking about how your end-of-life will unfold, and what your legacy will be.
• Your oldest child turns 50.
• One of your children becomes a grandparent.
• Cuddling in bed at night feels as intimate as, well, you know…

Though I have not walked past every one of these markers of old age, I have experienced many. Enough to make my status clear. I am sure this list is not complete and welcome additions if you would like to leave a comment.

These signposts help define the boundary between the lands of middle-age and old-age. This boundary is not a brick wall we abruptly encounter one day on our expedition into the future. We are not middle-aged one day, old-aged the next. There is a zone, a period of transition as we cross from one land into the next.

But they are two separate worlds. And the thing is, once we have entered the realm of the silver-haired, we can never return to the land of the middle years. We may occasionally look back and see that world retreating behind us. We may recall the joys and trials of traversing the realm of middle-age. But we must continue our journey forward, moving further into the land of old-age, where we will discover its unique joys. And its unique trials.

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