The Subjective Objectivity of Aging

April 2025

By Richard Fleming

Photo courtesy of Christian Wiediger

Growing old has common features which affect all of us lucky enough to be ambling down the road. We lose stamina and energy. Our joints stiffen. Our hearing and eyesight tend to flicker and fade. Our memories become a bit sketchy. We have a hard time keeping up with new technology. The pace of these changes varies from one senior to another, though none of us are immune from these functional declines.

But a peculiar phenomenon I have noticed in myself is I frequently experience variations in how old I feel compared to how old I am. My subjective experience of aging sometimes conflicts with my objective experience of aging. Objectively I am aging at a very steady clip. No matter what I do, no matter what I want, next month I will be 73 years and 11 months old, while this month I am a more youthful 73 years and 10 months old. And the following month the chimes will strike 74. The clock stops for no one. But though the weeks and months tick by at a steady pace, there are periods when I feel like I’m in my 50s. And there are other times I feel like I’m in my 80s. These differences often show up for no apparent rhyme or reason.

A few weeks ago I went through a spell of feeling a good deal younger than my birth certificate suggested was appropriate. I have no clue why. My sleep pattern hadn’t changed. Nor had my eating, or exercising, or stress levels. I just felt perkier and bouncier. I was able to do more decluttering around the house and weed-killing in the yard with no loss of energy. My mind felt focused and sharp. I even thought for a few days that aging isn’t all that burdensome. I have experienced similar periods over the past several years. For a few days or a few weeks, I felt younger and brighter.

But all good things must come to an end. Each time, my subjective experience of aging fell back into alignment with my biological age.

And then there are times when I feel older than my actual age. These periods also do not seem attributable to changes in activity or lifestyle. They drop down out of the blue, as though I am suddenly required to wear a 30-pound cape all day. I grow exhausted after cleaning out one cabinet. My knees protest when walking up the stairs. I have a hard time focusing on the book for my next book club meeting and can’t remember the characters or the plot. By 9:00 pm I need to hit the sack. While in one of these phases, I ruminate on how unfair it is that aging capriciously accelerates, even though I did nothing wrong.

Fortunately, bad things can also come to an end, at least occasionally. So far each of these episodes resolved – for no apparent reason – and I successfully returned to an energy state appropriate to my biological age.

I do not recall such variations occurring in my earlier years, at least not of any significance. Up to roughly age 60, my subjective experience of aging tended to align with my objective process of aging. I certainly had an occasional day when I was more tired, but this was usually due to losing sleep one night or overdoing it with some sort of physical activity. And I enjoyed occasional days I felt more energetic, often because of something exciting going on. These highs and lows were ephemeral, dissipating much quicker than the variations I experience now, as an old guy.

I think this variability between subjective and objective aging is shared by many oldsters. What accounts for these ups and downs? Is there a biolgocial basis for it? Perhaps some variations in cellular metabolism due to changes in various hormone levels? Does mitochondrial shortening and lengthening play a role? It would be fascinating to examine this phenomenon through some scientifically-sound medical studies to determine if this is all in our heads. Or all in our bodies. Or a bit of both. But we will need to wait a while before such studies might be funded. With the government slashing funding for pediatric cancer research, it is not likely studies on why seniors feel older some days and younger on others will see an infusion of federal dollars.

Growing old is truly a mysterious and quirky process. It is humbling and inspiring. It is gratifying and mortifying. Life in old age shares much in common with life in our younger years. But it also has unique features which can be hard to comprehend.

I periodically remind myself that to make progress down the trail, I must keep putting one foot in front of the other. During some periods I might feel slower than a tortoise. And at other times I might feel speedier than a jackrabbit. But it is a blessing to still be moving forward, approaching the horizon, in the company of so many others.

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