March 2023
By Richard Fleming
Efficient time management is an important life skill for adults. When we enter the workforce we must perform effectively and productively. Marriage and child-rearing amplify the need to insure every waking hour accomplishes at least one measurable goal. Grocery shopping. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. Helping the kids with their homework. Spending quality time with family. Every hour of every day counts.
But as we age we eventually reach a point where efficient time management becomes less possible and less important. We enter a stage of life where maximal productivity becomes counter-productive.
Seniors’ loss of efficiency stems from a variety of reasons, tangible and intangible. Our changing physical condition is a prominent factor. As our bodies age we are simply less capable of speeding through each day. Our capacity for accomplishment tapers and our need for rest expands. Another factor is that after leaving the workforce, deadlines are usually more flexible. And when the children leave home, demands on our time tend to loosen up.
In a previous post I wrote about how time speeds up as we age. Each day seems shorter, each week briefer. In a few blinks of the eye it is no longer March. We are suddenly navigating our way through April Fool’s Day. Because time is moving so quickly, it simply becomes harder to get as much done.
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A few weeks ago on a sunny Tuesday morning my stepdaughter innocently asked my wife and I, “What are you doing today?” I immediately felt a little defensive. After spending fifty years striving for maximum productivity, I retain a deep-seated need to avoid inefficiency. What should I offer to prove I wouldn’t be wasting time? Organizing the garage is a righteous activity. Picking up some items at the hardware store. Doing a half hour on the elliptical. Helping my sister with some chores. Reading my book club book. Reviewing our family budget for 2023. I blurted out a handful of these activities, hoping it would prove I wasn’t lazy.
My step-daughter nodded approvingly, then asked, “What about you, mom?”
My wife unhesitatingly replied, “Not much. Relaxing, mostly.”
In that moment, I realized my wife had the better answer. She usually accomplishes far more in any given day than I do. But she had no qualms about claiming relaxation as a viable goal for the day. Why did I feel compelled to prove I was having a maximally productive Tuesday? Why not lean into the benefits of slowing the pace down?
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Let me clarify I do not equate inefficient time management with laziness. I do not advocate for sloth.
During my years in practice, hundreds of my patients transitioned into retirement. They followed two general paths. Many folks decided to sit and rest. After long years at difficult demanding jobs, the desire to sit on the couch, watch TV, and take it easy was understandable. But many others opted for an active retirement. They embraced volunteer work, helping at the food bank, delivering for Meals on Wheels, getting involved in political activities. They joined book clubs, did more babysitting of the grandkids, started an exercise program, re-engaged in hobbies.
People who chose the first path tended to age more rapidly than those traveling down the second. As the years went by, the first group generally had less energy, less joy, and higher blood pressure. The second group had more energy, more joy, and lower blood pressure.
Taking the second path does not require maximum productivity in one’s daily schedule. Success does not rest on expert time management. In fact, traversing this second path will be more productive if some inefficiency is accepted. There is nothing wrong with seniors spending more time doing less, as long as we are doing something. We will be happier than if we try to accomplish too much in too short a period of time. Accepting some inefficiency can lessen pressure and clear the mind. It preserves our stamina.
I realize my advocacy of inefficiency as a virtue may seem counter-intuitive. The older we get, the less time we have to complete our goals, to check off bucket list items. At first blush one might think the compression of time mandates greater efficiency for seniors. With the horizon growing closer, we should strive to continuously improve our time management skills, right?
My answer to this question is, “No.”
The best response to the compression of time is to whittle our bucket lists. Pare down the goals we have set for ourselves. Maybe we only need to do one volunteer activity per week, as long we continue engaging. Perhaps consuming one book a month is easier to sustain than two, as long we keep reading. If going out for coffee with a friend once a week is hard to maintain, aiming for once a month should be achievable. And there is nothing wrong with spending some time looking blankly out the window, slowly sipping a cup of tea. Or sitting quietly alone on a park bench, thinking random thoughts about the past and the future.
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Sometimes after the sun goes down I look back on my day and have a hard time remembering what I achieved. I lived, of course. And there is something to be said for living. I can usually recall a few things I accomplished. But there is no doubt my waking hours now are less productive than before. And I’m on the verge of realizing this is OK.
It is time we learn to embrace the virtues of inefficiency in our senior years.
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There is indeed something to be said for living, Rich. Thanks for another wonderful post
Dr.Fleming, thanks for sharing on this subject matter. As it’s so often one question I ask myself at the end of the day. What chore on my “To do List” did I cross off?
I also am sharing your thoughts with my grown bummer children my responses, when asked, what did I do today? It’s good for both parties to understand it’s OK to have a free day of JUST enjoying the day, as is.
Richard, I really enjoy your posts. I had hip replacement a month ago, so inefficiency has been common, just a few goals including rehab exercises each day. I am planning to play for worship on Sunday, but have also learned that plans can change. Keep writing.
I find that as I age, frequent visits to the doctor, preferably in the early morning, have a definite therapeutic effect. I seem to accomplish more with the rest of my day, yet still have time for a nap.
Another wonderful post, Richard. For those of us seeking to remain active, it’s a wise reminder that stopping to smell the roses is more important than ever, and that, in retirement, getting something done is more important than getting many things done.
Thanks for the words of wisdom. Now I feel less guilty slowing down.
Hi Richard,
I loved this post!
I think the young could use it as well to some extent. Living should be far more about the process than about the goals.
Thanks!
Thanks Richard, great thoughts. Years ago, my next-door retired neighbor used to tell me he did ONE thing every day. That’s it.
I’m new to this blog, thanks to Joan Barker (Exec Secy THS Historical Society) sharing the blog’s address with me. I read every single post tonight, from the blog’s inception, and I’m hooked on your thoughts. Like you, I am still in New Old Age (barely)—although I’m not willing to admit that Middle Old Age starts at or near 70. Surely not until late 70s, right? This particular post resonated with me, as I still feel very guilty when someone asks me what I’m doing with my abundant available time after having retired 4+ years ago from a very busy and oftentimes challenging career. I feel guilty admitting that some of my favorite days are days when I have NOTHING I must accomplish. Like your wife, I have come to believe that relaxation is not only a viable goal, but a very desirable one. As it turns out, I have scheduled exercise four days a week, so I love those days when I don’t have to be anywhere at a set time.
I also sorely recognize that with retirement and aging has come amazing inefficiencies. For example, a letter of recommendation for a former employee can take me a day to get up the courage to even sit down to type—when I used to pound them out in 10 minutes.
Two remaining notes. I highly recommend the book Remember by Lisa Genova, which I thought about when you wrote about senior moments. One of my favorite parts of her book was the advice to stop torturing yourself to remember something. Use Google! Use Calendar reminders!
Second—try yoga. Not hot yoga, for goodness sakes. That is awful. But regular old stretching-type, calm yoga for old—strike that—New Old People.
Thanks for doing this blog.